Tips for Dialogue About Change
There are more humane and respectful ways to bring about workplace change than we often see in many organizations. The following practical tips are simple, requiring little more than patience, self-discipline, and thoughtful preparation. Try applying them in your next challenging one-on-one conversation about change.
How To Prepare
Set your intention for the meeting. Before scheduling the meeting, take time to consider what the most important thing is to accomplish in this conversation. What do you hope each of you will leave with?
Set the stage by clearly stating your purpose in the invite. In your meeting invite, include a clear description of what you would like to accomplish in the conversation so that the other person has time to prepare their thoughts before the meeting.
Prepare a few open-ended questions in advance. What would you like to learn about this person and their perspective? Review your list and make sure they are questions you do not already know the answer to. Do not use disingenuous questions to force your point of view (e.g., “Haven’t you thought about…” or “Wouldn’t it be better if…?”).
Clear your mind before you join the call. Give yourself a few minutes before the meeting to pause your notifications, reflect on your intention for the call, and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.
How To Begin the Conversation
Thank the other person for joining. Begin the call by thanking the person for taking the time to meet with you. Express your interest in learning about their perspective.
Share your goals for the conversation and invite the other person to share theirs. Briefly share what you hope to accomplish in the conversation and which topics you want to address. Ask the other person if there are any topics they would like to discuss and incorporate these into your agenda.
During the Conversation
Focus your attention on listening to understand. This is harder than it sounds. Many of us naturally listen to respond instead of listening to understand. If you listen to respond, you are busy formulating what you will say while the other person is talking. Your mind should be clear and open while you listen. Listening this way may make you uncomfortable, especially when the speaker pauses. It becomes easier with practice.
Reflect back what you hear. Confirm your understanding by reflecting back what you have just heard. Do not worry if there is something you misunderstood. The other person will clarify if you have gotten something wrong. This is also helpful when you are unsure what to ask next—it will give you more time to think about where to take the conversation.
Share your views and ask for their reaction. It is possible to disagree without making the other person “wrong.” When you share your views, frame them as your opinion rather than the truth. Follow up by asking for their thoughts and listening carefully to how they respond.
Wrapping Up
Thank the other person for their time and for sharing their views. You can elaborate on this by noting what you learned from the conversation and how this will help you.
Be especially kind to those who have shared difficult feedback with you. Thank the person for sharing as sincerely as possible, even if you are the target of the criticism. It is never easy to hear harsh criticisms and complaints, but they provide vital information you need to be successful. For each person who verbalizes negative feedback, several more have the same perspective and choose to remain silent. The ones who share are your helpers. Treat them with gratitude and respect.
Briefly explain what you plan to do next based on what you have heard. If you can commit to a particular action, do so and make sure you follow through. If you are collecting a variety of viewpoints to inform your next steps, share how this conversation has helped you in the process and what the result will likely be.
After the Conversation
Reflect on how the conversation felt and what you might try next time. Were there any points when you felt triggered, defensive, or emotional? How easy or difficult was it to listen to understand? Do you understand the person and their perspective better now? What else would you like to know? What learning will you bring forward into your next conversation?
